death spirit love

i’ve been reading a book called “journey of souls”.  it’s an account of a hypnotherapist taking people into the spirit world after they die, between lives.  i love this book.  it’s stirring my memories.  that’s the thing about my spiritual path.  it has nothing to do with what i believe or don’t believe.  it has everything to do with what i experience.  i literally remember the spirit world.  it’s a memory as real and vivid as remembering my childhood.  i remember what it’s like to be between lives, to be living other lives on earth and as other beings on other planets, and it’s very real for me.  those who do not experience memories such as these might think i am a wacko, or making it all up, which is fine by me…i just want to make the point that my spirituality is not belief based, it is experience based.  reading this current book is bringing on a lot of nostalgia.  i miss the spirit world.  being incarnated on earth is not always the place i really want to be, but i chose to come here to help and to learn, and i am happy i made this choice….at the same time, i look forward to leaving here as well, and i am excited for future journeys.  time not being linear outside of the human realm, i travel further into the upper realms and see all of my soul lives living at once like a tapestry, and it’s remarkable.  how oneness became “me” as a multitude of life forms.  and how these life forms get close to one another.  the sentiment.  i don’t experience a loss of sentiment when i recall the spirit world.  it is just as sentimental as it is here in human form…but different because we can merge without bodies and we don’t feel suffocated or lacking or struggle like we do here…and yet, we cannot dwell there all the time because our urge is to incarnate, to expand.  not all of us though.  we are all at different places on the path, with different paths.  eventually we all source back to oneness, we are all living under the same umbrella of life itself being life and displaying all of its feathers….but the more you zoom in, the more variety you experience with souls and lives.  when i tap into the spirit world, i feel more peace for who i am.  it’s no secret how reluctant i feel to be a healer in this life.  my soul is tired.  perhaps partially due to the fact that i wont stray from my path and yet i crave experiences outside of it…my human brain wants things to be different in my life, even though my soul knows better.  it’s not easy to stay in integrity and devotion all the time.  it’s a constant test, and i am working my way into the purple and my test is to stay devoted no matter what.  what feels the best about devotion though, is the feeling of surrender.  if the spirit world takes me back up because i am no longer needed here, i am at peace with it….i don’t have a strong will to survive, but to me, this is not a bad thing, it’s not a lack…it’s just me being at peace with leaving when it is time to go and not worrying.  it’s strange, that because i am so in touch with my other lives, and don’t feel the fear of dying or ending this life, how at peace i feel for when it is my time…aside from whomever will grieve me that is.  i don’t mean to sound morbid.  death is not morbid to me either.  it’s a part of life.  the next stage.  grief hurts.  when i grieve those i love i will hurt.  hurt is a part of life.  the feeling of loss is staggering.  i feel i might want to follow my parents when they go, if they go before me.  it might be hard to keep me here.  i am fragile this way.  but also strong, because i will do what my soul is here to do and there is nothing gonna change that.  nelson dying pours into my heart.  when somebody who devoted their life to everybody dies, their soul feels like it is raining in everybody’s hearts.  i feel him rain in my heart.  the sky is blue as a crystal outside, and it is freezing out and it is freezing in my home, because my heat sucks and i am wrapped in layers typing this.  winter brings on my contemplations….