truth and devotion…

for me, truth is not something i can rest in.  it’s not like i can find the truth and be done with it.  even though i feel the truth of my soul, of living these various multiple lives, and everything else i experience, metaphysically speaking…if tomorrow my experienced changed, so would my truth.  truth is contextual for me, because it’s based upon the principal of being in the now.  i don’t feel truth to be a static concept to explain the nature of reality over time.  and i enjoy not settling into a static concept…i enjoy the motion, the eternal activity of consciousness being itself, alive and in the now, changing, transforming, destroying, creating, returning, birthing, spiraling, and everything else that is happening.

i don’t diss the religious devotee that puts his or her faith fully into one idea of truth and sticks with it.  that’s variety being variety.  we devote to different ideas.  i have become tolerant of christianity because of people i am close to showing me that christians can be loving and kind, not judging me, keeping their religion to themselves unless i ask.  and i give them the same respect.  we get along.  and it’s made me realized that  i was super judgmental of religion because i felt wounded by the harm it commits.  but fact is, it’s not religion that harms, it’s fanaticism and zealot mentalities that harm.  to kill over what you believe, to judge others who believe differently, and to use religion as a mask to cover up your judgement, ignorance, hatred, violence and fear…that’s what harms, that’s what hurts.  my friends who are religious are loving people who want to help others.  if they believe jesus is god, that is their full right.  it doesn’t hurt anybody to believe that.  and the teachings of jesus have made them more loving, happy, and open-hearted people.

fanaticism put toward anything is harmful.  the fanatical atheist cancels out the beauty of his objective thinking by subjectively denying that knowledge may be obtained through means other than empirical observation.  he denies that feelings, imagination, and senses beyond the basic five hold any value as a tool to understand truth with.  he has deluded himself into believing that nothing can be real outside of what the human body can detect through the five senses.  it’s just as ignorant as the religious zealot who believes all those who don’t have faith in her god are going to burn in hell forever.  but at least the religious zealot is acting in integrity with her faith based decision making process.  where as the fanatical atheist is supposed to be all about reason and objective perception..and to deny all faculties but the five senses as a means to gathering information about the nature of reality, is highly unreasonable.  it’s not the belief that when we die, we are dead, that is harmful.  to believe that is great, if that’s what you believe.  the harm is to deny the validity of other means to obtaining truth.

it sucks to be denied.  the religious person does not want to be teased for their beliefs.  the atheist does not want to be condemned for not believing in a higher power.  the mystic does not want to be reduced to flim flam.  nobody wants their version of truth to be crapped upon, or denied in any way.  the bridge for me, is to allow myself to believe and not believe in what feels right and wrong for me, while at the same time, valuing other perceptions of truth being perceived by people different than me.  i can believe what i believe while still valuing what i don’t believe.  i think this is the secret to harmony.  simultaneous thinking.

i am devoted to valuing people, above all.  i don’t know why.  it’s love taking.  i think atheism and religiousness are both  beautiful ways to perceive life.  i can get lost in the poetry of both.  and i can say, “maybe jesus was the incarnation of a divine creator” even if i don’t feel it to be true.   i can also say, “maybe there is no sentiment to any of this, energy is simply expressing itself as life, and humans are the ones making meaning out of it all, ” …it’s no big deal.  i allow all versions of truth to exist while still feeling my version of truth course through me like lighting…at peace with varying beliefs.  i want to be a living example of harmony among differences.

i don’t tolerate judgement and patronizing though, that’s where i get like a protective wolf mother over her cubs, wanting to slay judgement in all of it’s guises.  but i also have compassion for judgement and all of it’s guises…because those who experience judgement, fanaticism, ignorance, hatred, patronizing, etc…are human beings, with human being fears, blind spots, and wounds.  i have been wounded myself.  i have been judgmental.  i have patronized.  i’ve hated.  i cannot throw stones.  i get it.  i am tolerant of our human weaknesses, even if i wish i could make the harshness vanish forever.  i wish we could see our psychology on an objective level all at once, and realize that how we treat one another is always rooted back to our own pain, and how we’ve been treated, and find the healing path out of human mistreatment….while not covering up this lesson behind the truth of reality itself.

being human is a complex thing.  i am learning so much lately, about how to juggle the myriad of forces, ideas, feelings, and desires parading my consciousness each moment.  i am a diplomat at heart…it’s my impetus…to create harmony and beauty above all….i see this about myself, and accept it.  i will never know what it’s like to rest in a static sense of truth, or what it’s like to pick a side….but i am devoted to my sense of truth and love, to being who i am, embracing the variety i help bring into this physical world, my color, my texture, and how it changes the entire painting.