musings on love…

romantic love.  i feel like talking about it more.  i have had some new realizations lately (for while i wait for love, might as well analyze it, that’s the default program.)

i have come to the conclusion that the basis of the quality of relationship i am looking for, is rooted in two people really liking one another.  i don’t care about similarity (except at core levels where it really matters.)  i care about liking and being liked.  i don’t want to be with somebody i love and feel chained to due to that love, when i don’t vibe with their personality, or when most of their traits chafe my constitution or vice versa.  it’s all about liking the other person for who they are. now. not who they will become.  not who they were.  but who they are now.  and them liking me the same.  because when there is mutual like, you not only enjoy spending time together, but you will be more open and receptive to understanding one another when one person gets hurt.  which is key.

and leads to my next thought.  good communication is vital.  as a friend used to always say in metaphor, it’s not gonna work when one person can speak the entire spanish language, and the other person can only say, “hi, how are you” in spanish.  i am a really good communicator and i can no longer withstand defensive communication, or being with somebody who cannot communicate clearly their needs and wants, and respect and understand mine, and be able to see objectively the similarities, differences, and ways to meet in the middle…as well as be able to fight and own up to their faults and move through the fights to deeper closeness.  i am a in really good psychological shape, and want the same in return, cause it’s a core value.

i had this dream other night that reminded me how important romance is to me, and how my romantic nature longs for return, in a way that matches up, where it counts to be similar.  this is hard to write about.  how do i explain it?  i am an old fashioned type of woman.  i desire flowers and doors and held open, kisses on the hand, love letters, sweetness, romantic expression and refinement.  if it was not for romance, i would marry a friend i had no romantic feelings for, just for the security.  romantic love is a very specific thing.  i believe that it is completely valid to hold out for the kind of romance you seek.  look to venus in the chart to understand this part of yourself.  my venus in libra is a die hard romantic.  i love chivalry too.  and i am not going to feel bad about this anymore.  it’s not unfair or superficial, my style of loving.  it’s who i really am.

last realization is…i need a balancing relationship.  not everybody does.  but i do.  i do because i am not the type of person who can do it all myself.  i am really good at half of life.  and i want to be with somebody who is really good at the other half.  it just so happens that i am really good at the feminine aspects of life…making home, all the domestic stuff, nurturing, understanding and expressing feelings, loving unconditionally, being creative, being sensitive and supportive.  i am not good at the masculine stuff such as making money, fixing things, dealing with the world, being physically strong or logical.  i am not so off balance that i can’t do anything masculine…i get along and take care of myself and work on gaining masculine strength every day.   it’s just that i am specialized in the feminine and not as good in the masculine….and i know a successful relationship will be where he is the opposite of me, so that our strengths balance one another out in a beneficial way.  

i suppose after writing this blog…i realize that i had been feeling guilty for who i am and what i need.  it’s one of my things to let go of….feeling guilty for who i am.  no more of this.  who i am is who i am.  how i exist is how i exist.  there is nothing wrong with me.  there are no rules of life that say that you must be a certain way to deserve love, or that you must find love by a certain age or something is wrong.  i realize that i was blocking self love by thinking i needed to change who i am to find love.  no more of this.  i wash that mentality down the drain.  every year i wait, is a year i become more self actualized within, more emotionally clear, more self loving, more aware, and more appreciative.  so it’s good.  it’s all good.  having faith is not that hard after all…

i write this entry in hopes to inspire you to be at peace with your needs and wants if you are waiting for love too…no matter how different they are then your friend’s or what society says, etc…and if you are with a person who is not making you happy, to know it’s ok to let go…and find the right love for you.