we’re praying to the same God…or not god…however you want to look at it…
we’re sprouting from the same root.
i got my foot in some wet wormy soil and it reminds me of youth…
mark twain, guppies, mr. lewis, who saved my life and he is christian and i am not…
which is all fine by me cause he was fine with my way of being close with life…
anyway, he wrote me a long hand written letter when i was away at that place and
that letter really saved me even though i did not save the letter, nor can i recall a word it said, but i remember reading it on the edge of my bed, heeding the advice like a dry sponge under a running faucet.
ralph waldo emerson, i see in his face a love and intelligence put together with immense grace and compassion. he was not afraid to stand up for what was wrong. he took care of the fragile tempered thoreau, who needed sanctuary (i know what that feels like.) i am in love with emerson.
when maria and i visited emerson’s house and land, which is on walden pond, where he let thoreau live for free in his tiny little cabin a few miles away….we both were silenced by the feeling of their spirits, and brought inward to our reverence as a result. magic and inspiration ignited…we were convinced the colors in cambridge were more saturated and luminous.
the darkness brought emerson into being, because he could understand it. he had great awareness of the ignorance suffered by those who did not understand the darkness, and because of this, demonized innocent people as a means to purge themselves of their own fear and shame.
i am not afraid of the darkness. i don’t judge it as bad and wrong. i understand it, like emerson did.
when i was a little girl, me and my buddy ke, found ourselves stolen and taken away to the underworld by giant reptiles who had us on stone tables near one another. i think we were about to be raped and killed. but ke snuck away (he’s a good trickster)…and then he grabbed me when the reptiles got distracted by jewels. we ran…
and wound up in another area of the underworld.
hades let us roam. he cared for us from a distance. we were lost. but we met some really cool lily pads and monsters, and there were so many children. hades likes to let everyone roam about. he does not govern his land or those who wind up there. he simply observes. he’s lonely and he also is not sure how to get close to others.
when i grew up, after ke and i had found our way back to the middle world and parted ways, east coast and west coast…i never felt quite right inside. the people in school seemed so lavender and yellow, with ambitions glittering like gold watches. for some reason, i hated them.
i discovered that i found pleasure in hating them because i felt betrayed by them. they rejected me. or so i thought. i did not know then, that i was creating the rejection story because the underworld felt more like home and i missed it, being all i knew…but also because it’s more tender down there, life is more fragile, maybe because death is always close by.
emotions swam through my mind like electric eels. stinging my mind constantly. i became my own worst enemy.
i had forgotten all about the underworld, and how much fun it was to roam without a care or supervision. i didn’t know why i was chafing my current circumstances so badly.
i called out to my mother for help.
she swirled into action like a fiery tornado, wondering how to help after being gone for many years. i felt i was meeting her for the first time. she did not have any answers. but we reveled in our reunion. for a good while we ate and walked around and gambled our moments away in revery.
the weight began to shift…i could let go a little, of the burden of feeling dislodged from familiarity.
but then something worse began to surface from the deep of my heart…i remembered the reptilians and how they stole me away and what they did…and with that memory returning
i recalled how the underworld became my comfort because nobody harmed me there after ke and i escaped the reptilians. hades made it so no other beings could harm us again. he said it was a forever more thing. there was kindness in his eyes. you could tell he knew what it was like to be betrayed.
i’ll never forget what i saw in those eyes…it took away the pain of the theft of my soul.
hades didn’t steal me. it was the reptilians. they take whatever they want. but they were never again allowed to touch me or ke, hades made it so…and we never could figure out why.