stream of thoughts written from the airport

still in shock about how much one meditation session has changed my life.  i know it’s not for everyone.  not everybody will have the same results from the same methods.  it’s not like that.  not in my perception of reality.

shucking the story feels so damn good.  it feels like…this veil falls and creates distinction between bodily reaction from soul witnessing.

bodily reaction says: fear.  sorrow.  joy.  anguish.  despair.  happiness.  anger.  boredom.  frustration.  desire.  repulsion.  mixtures of all this.

soul witness says: peace because i am.  gratitude because i get to feel i am.  excitement because i am-ing.  wonder because how am i?  awe because i am not while at the same time i am.

all these seventies songs are playing over the vegas airport speakers…

god do i long for the olden days.  i don’t know why, cause my childhood was not light and happy by any means, but i miss the seventies.  i miss the color brown.  i miss big speakers.  i miss acoustic sound.  i miss the only screen being television.  i miss the simplicity.

not glamorizing.  as i enjoy technology too…and today…be here now, right?

vegas always clears up the myriad of feelings that course through my brain like a sea monster lurking and appearing and diving deep and never revealing its true nature to the all seeing eye of consciousness.

i see clearly all i have been doing.  stories are being flushed from my heart, exposing tenderness that’s hard to bare.  i am so sensitive and tender each day i wake…

these stories of mine…derive from tenderness…

you can take something like the feeling of lack.  lack of something you want that you don’t have.  and you can see how a hundred people will contend with this feeling of lack.  some will work their asses off to get what they want in order to remove the feeling of lack.  others will dwell in the feeling of lack and cry and pity themselves.  some will stuff the feeling so far away from consciousness that they turn into addicts of something: drugs, alcohol, work, working out, relationships, etc in order to avoid that feeling at all costs, fearful of it.  while others will treat the feeling like something bad and detach from their desires.  these are just a few examples.

it’s very interesting to me.  how we respond to feelings.

i see how i have responded to the feeling of lack within myself.  i have pitied.  i have dwelled.  and i have pushed myself.  and i have avoided.  and i have judged.  i have done it all.   i see myself doing it all.  and i find the root….

the root is verb not a noun.  the root is dancing light.  it is the holographic dream of animal and soul.

animal and soul are not opposites either.  they are different, they are electro-magnetically drawn and opposed at times…but the real opposite to the animal is more like a robot, not the soul.  and the real opposite of soul is machine, not the body.

and then still, that can be argued.

but i just realized i am mourning the olden days.

there are pinnacles in evolution.  moments.  split seconds.  where one thing becomes another.  and what it was, is gone forever.  while what is has become, completely takes over.

i can feel this happening in my own life, in the life of humans too.  technology is the culprit culturally speaking.  and soul work is the culprit in my personal life…or so i think.

i can feel change happening in the dream we are dreaming….complete and utter change forever.

death…..and…

rebirth.