i love being able to discuss “the energies” with other healers. it always brings catharsis.
in doing so yesterday, i realized that all of this anger coming up within me….is coming up to be let go of.
anger toward those who hurt others, the human race, the earth, children, animals….this is kali anger, wanting to chop off any threat toward those i love…
the anger towards those who have hurt me…karmic…from all lifetimes…feels like a learned helplessness anger, finally being able to stand up for myself anger, rising out of the slumber of victimhood into a feeling of self liberation anger…
anger toward people who ignore the elephant in the room, because it’s too painful to notice…those who unconsciously go about life with rose colored glasses, refusing to recognize all of the harm…it’s a wanting to wake them up anger…
anger about the areas in my own life that feel like they never change, where it’s all healing healing healing, feels like ceaseless self work anger, exhaustion anger, wanting new life anger…
what i realized yesterday…was how to both honor, and begin to let go of anger…
anger wants to be heard. it says, “i am appropriate, these things are really fucked up, really being ignored, these people are really being harmful and keep getting away with it, there really is this much pain, you really are tired and sick of it all, all of this is very real. please listen to me.”
true. anger must be brought to tea.
and…what i am also understanding about the feeling of anger is…
it’s not going to transmute into another emotion after it’s been heard. the only way to deal with anger, is to feel it, honor it’s message…and then, in one clean swoop, let it go. walk away.
this means…instead of focusing on the harmful people who are hurting everything…walk away from them. don’t fight them. instead, get together with all the people who want to make the world a beautiful and loving place, to build new systems, philosophies, and infrastructures. using the strategy of loving energy outweighing unloving energy, because it will.
it means forgiving everybody who has hurt me from all lifetimes, simply to forgive… because i know in my rational mind, that forgiveness is the most powerful medicine available for my evolution…and i am devoted to love.
it means walking away from those ignoring the elephant, honoring their need for rose glasses, because we are all at where we are at. who am i to judge? there are areas where i am weak due to fear too, and i can’t face stuff. tolerance and understanding are vital feelings to develop in order to generate love. anger turned into righteous fanaticism causes harm and is fear based.
and with my own life…patience is the salve. i can let anger go by having patience and knowing that all of this healing and self work is worth it, has it’s own sense of timing, and can be trusted.
it all boils down to trust, doesn’t it? if i trust that love will conquer all, there’s no fear that the meanies will continue to dominate, or that people will fall into shadows, or that my life will always be like a grand recycling machine of healing, or that ignorance and cruelty will prevail.
i do trust love. i always have. it’s a gut feeling. i know life is made of love, and that this reality we are in, is here to teach us how to love, and we are learning.
i have brought anger to tea for the past week, doing the honoring part. now it’s time to do the letting go part.
it’s not always so easy to let go and walk away. yesterday i was given a small little chance. the universe bringing me practice via a you tube comment. i received a comment based on a comment i made on a video of somebody i like to watch. my comment was loving. the comment made to me was not loving. it was fanatical, angry, and making fun of me.
of course my body seethed, while my mind was like, “they are the ones with the problem, not you, just ignore them.”
i paid attention to the seething body, and felt all the years of being misunderstood, teased, and treated in a way that was mean and unfair. i remembered this one time when a man got out of his car to yell at me in my car, when i cut him off too close at a light. he raged on me. this was many years ago, when i was still pretty raw, and i wound up going into a full fledged panic attack.
when i was little and being made fun of all the time in school for being fat, i never stood up for myself. i took it silently. i was always baffled by the cruelty of my classmates. i could not understand why they wanted to be mean to me. why making me feel bad made them feel good.
all of these memories and reactions coursed through my psyche from the you tube comment experience…bringing me to the awareness that part of this anger is because i am just now learning how to feel it…i am just now feeling mad, instead of despairing.
because of this…i wanted so bad to write back to that person and intellectually make them feel like an idiot. i had to fight the urge for hours. hours. can you believe that? such small things are big things because of what they represent though. i was thankful for the trigger because it gave me practice in letting go of anger. i forced myself to not respond. it is their issue, not mine.
triggers are golden opportunities for growth…
i chose to give energy to love, not hate…and ignored the nasty comment. finis.
so this is the practice…and it takes time…
if everybody who is loving puts their energy toward love, we can strategically outweigh those who want to harm….and we don’t need the rose glasses people to help us…they can watch their own version of reality, and that’s ok if they need rose glasses to feel safe.
there are enough of us who are aware, loving, intelligent, creative, brave, and on fire… to make changes, to keep being constructive and building the better models.
as for personal anger…think i will do what i did when i let go of a shadow personality a few years back. write a poem from her perspective, to honor the message, and then have a funeral for her. if i do this with the anger shadow, i know it will initiate the heart into letting go.
the heart needs poetry and ritual to integrate what the head knows….
and all of this was catalyzed due to one conversation with another on the healing path, who also has been feeling similar energies this past week. i love that…